LIHAM NI EGIE

Nais kong humiyaw ng pabulong at gisingin ang inyong mga mahimbing na antok. Nagbubulag-bulagan ang mga hindi makakita at ayaw makinig ang mga bingi sa akin. Ayaw n'yo ba akong pansinin at mga sarili lang ang inaatupag? Mga abala kasi kayo sa inyong mga katamaran habang binubusog ang katakawan. Lagi na lang akong nagsasasalita gamit ang pipi kong wika, pilit tinatatas ng utal kong dila ang kaligayahan ng aking kalungkutan. Ninanamnam ko ang tamis ng pait na dulot ng aking pagtitiis, gusto kong liparin ang dagat o languyin ang himpapawid, ipahihiram n'yo ba ang inyong damot sa bagay na nais kong ipaabot? Minsan ako ay nag-iisip kung mangyayari ba ang imposible? Kakayanin kaya ang mahirap? O mamatay na lang sa pagkabuhay? Gusto kong lumaban gamit ang aking karuwagan, ngunit akoy tinatakot ng sarili kong katapangan. Humihingi ako ng kaunting tanggi na sana ako ay tulungan. Samahan n'yo ako sa aking pag-iisa upang makabangon sa aking pagtumba. Natutuwa ako sa kalungkutan at kahit papaano hindi ako pinababayaan, nakakaraos sa kakapusan, at sa kayamanan ng kahirapan. May gagaling pa ba sa malala ? O matutuwa sa hinagpis? Piliin n'yo ang inyong mga ibig at itapon n'yo ang inyong itatabi. Ayun ! Nagkakagulo ang mga tahimik at nag-uunahan sa pagbibigayan. Mananalo ba ang talunan ,? O mabibigo ang magwawagi? Ito ang mga bagay na lagi kong iniisip habang ako ay nakaupo sa aking pagtayo, o himbing sa aking pagkagising sa araw man hanggang sa gabi. Naglalakad ako habang nakahintil, sa maliit na hawla na malawak ang sakop. Nakatingin habang mata ko ay pikit sa mga taong sa akin ay umuusig. Magagalit ba ako sa tuwa? At iiwanan ko sila upang samahan? O talikuran na lang ang aking harapan ng ganap akong maunawaan? Pinupuri nila ako ng kutya, pinag-uusapan sa pagbabalewala, nilalait ng pang-aaba, nililimot ng pag-aalala. Malayung-malayo ako sa malapit kahit isang dipa lang ang aming agwat. Tulungan n'yo akong makawala, ng maging malaya sa kasarinlan. Kailan aalis ang pagbabalik? At isasama ako sa kanilang pag-iwan, sapagkat ako ay nalulungkot sa kaligayahan at hanap ko ay kapayapaan sa kaguluhan. Hindi nila ako maunawaan dahil magulo daw ang malinaw kong sinasabi, binabaligtad ang matuwid, at inililiko ko raw ang deretso. Kahit malalim ang mababaw sa mga bagay na aking sinasabi, mauunawaan mo ang di mo maintindi samahan mo lang ako dito sa aking tabi. Diyos ko bakit mo ibinagay sa akin ito? Biyaya ba? Parusa o ganti ng kapalaran ? Lapatan n'yo muna ako ng lunas at ang isip ko ay kumakawala, ibalik n'yo at isauli sa akin kabaliwan ng aking katinuan. Hinahanap ko ang aking sarili naitago n'yo ba at naitabi? Ipahiram nyong muli sa akin at sa inyo ay isasauli rin.. Ayokong manatili sa silid na ito at bingihin ako ng katahimikan, iparamdam sa akin ang kaunting pagmamahal, palayain na ako at kalagan. Nanaisin ko pang mabuhay sa daigdig na magulo at malupit, kaysa mag-isa sa dilim ng katahimikan at maghintay ng matagal sa kawalan. Putulin n'yo na itong mga tali, buksan ang rehas na bakal at ako ay uuwi. Ibalik ako sa mahal kong tahanan at naghihintay sa akin si nanay . . . .

CLOSED FOR THE GLORY OF GOD

Last night I was listening in the news while trying to patch up something for tomorrow. Actually it was from the TV I was pinning my ears back for the late night reports because I was too occupied to only manage a peep on the boob tube. One news got my attentiveness. I broke off what I was doing for a moment and took a pew in front of the TV. Wyden King has ultimately closed down the last in the group of 14 of the Philippines largest short time sex motels - the Anito. King who had turned Born Again said the closure was not his but of God's will. King's business which many people thought to have caused despairs for countless marriages, inopportune pregnancies of minors, sanctuary for taboo love affairs have finally ceased venture after many generations. He said he cannot figure out how inexplicably the Lord ways are of letting go of his business. Some people considered King's act as a mere duplicity while most others extolled him for his courage and deed of repentance. Whatever it is the good thing is that . . . it is now closed. King gave up his millions of takings from Anitos for his new found true God who moved in the most bizarre way for him.

SI TATAY BEBANG AT "ANG PASKO AY SUMAPIT"

Magandang umaga sa inyo! Kanina ay napabalikwas ako at napabangon kaagad ng makita ko sa aking cell phone na July 23 na pala. Hindi naman sa nagmamadali ako kanina pero sadyang ganuon yata talaga kapag very busy ka hindi mo na namamalayan ang paglipas ng araw. Nuon naikwento ko sa inyo ang aking tatay at ang tungkol sa butas. Maraming nakabasa at natuwa at kahit papaano ay nakapagbigay ng magandang aral. Pinipilit kong alalahanin ang lahat ng mga nangyari ng nabubuhay pa si tatay ng maibahagi ko naman sa inyo. Ngayon ay may naalala ako at ikukuwento ko sa inyo.

Tuwing sasapit ang Pasko, lalung-lalo na kapag ako ay nakakakita ng mga batang paslit na ngangaroling at ang kanilang inaawit ay ang "PASKO AY SUMAPIT" hindi ko maiwasan na sumagi si tatay sa aking alaala. Minsan kasi ay may mga bata na nanapatan sa amin. Nanduruon ako nuong nangyari iyon . Umawit ang mga bata ng ANG PASKO AY SUMAPIT habang si tatay ay nagkamasid sa kanilang harapan at nakangisi. Ang pasko ay sumapit . . . tayo ay mangagsi-awit. . . Natapos ang awit ng mga bata at lahat sila ay nakatingin sa tangan-tangan na mga barya ni tatay na waring hinihintay na iabot sa kanila. "Ulitin ninyo ang inyong awit” sabi ng tatay. Sa pag-aakalang naibigan ng aking tatay ang kanilang awit ay walang tanung-tanong na inulit ang kanta at natapos. Umiling-iling si tatay habang hinithit ang sigarilyo at sinabi “ Ulitin ninyong muli". Inulit nilang muli . . . ang pasko ay sumapit . . tayo ay mangagsi-awit… at natapos. Nagtanong ang isa “ bakit n'yo po pinauulit-ulit ang aming awit? Nakikinig ako at waring interesado sa isasagot at ikakatuwiran ng aking tatay. " Kasi mali!" Sabi ng tatay ko. "Mali????" sabay-sabay nilang sagot "Oo Mali!!" "Saan po kami nagkamali sa tono? Sintunado po ba kami ? ang tanong ng isa . Hindi at sabay inawit ni tatay ang carol - - "Ang pasko ay SASAPIT, tayo ay mangagsi-awit . . .Ayan! dapat ganyan ang pagkanta ninyo! Sabi ni tatay. Bakit po??? Sabay-sabay na tanong ng mga paslit. "Bakit mga bata sumapit na ba ang pasko? ""Hindi pa po!" "O dapat SASAPIT hindi SUMAPIT"mabilis na sagot ni tatay. Sumagot ang isa, "Pero yun po ang turo sa amin at yun po ang naririnig namin kapag inaawit ng iba". "Alam ko" . . . sabi ni tatay . . . Nakangiting iniabot sa isang bata ang mga barya. "Ok ! Ok! sige na at mangaroling na kayo sa iba ng makarami kayo at maraming salamat sa inyong awit." Tumalikod na ang mga bata habang ang isa ay nakalingon sa amin papalayo at tumapat sa aming kapitbahay . . . umawit silang muli "Ang pasko ay sumapit . . .tayo ay mangagsi-awit . . . ."

Ano ang ibig ipakahulugan ni tatay sa kwentong ito.? Bilang pag respeto kay Mr. Levy Celerio na siyang may likha ng awit na ito, hindi ko sinasabing mali ang awit. Ngunit kung pagbabatayan mo tamang panuntunan sa "grammar" sa pagkakalikha sa awit na ito sasabihin mong may katwiran si Tatay Bebang. Huwag na tayong magpaikot-ikot pa at alam ko namang hindi talaga ang awit na ito ang nais niyang tumbukin. Marahil ay may mas malalim pa siyang mensahe na nais ipabatid. Sa buhay ng tao kasi ay mayroon tayong mga kinamulatan at kinagisnan na mga mali. Ito marahil ang nais ipakahulugan ni tatay. Maaring itong mga maling bagay na ito ay ipinamulat ng ating mga magulang o natutunan natin sa kapaligiran na atin ginagalawan. Ang ating daigdig na ginagalawan ay sumasalamin sa kabuuan ng ating pagkatao, sapagkat kung ano ang naririnig o nakikita natin dito ay siyang nagiging batayan ng ating prinsipyo at pangangatuwiran. May mga bagay na alam nating mali sa ating buhay ngunit patuloy nating ginagawa dahil iyon ang itinuro sa atin at tila napakasarap para sa atin na ulit-ulitin. Minsan sadyang matigas ang ulo ng iba kahit pa nga marami na sa kanilang nagsasabi na mali ang ginagawa nila ay patuloy pa rin sila sa ganitong uri ng sistema at ito ang nakikita sa kanila at ginagaya lalung-lao na ng mga kabataan. Marami sa atin ang hindi umuusad tungo sa tunay na pagpapayaman ng ating pagkatao dahil ayaw nating talikuran ang mga mali sa ating buhay at bigyan ng pagkakataon ang pagbabago. May kasabihan tayo na ang yantok raw ay mahirap ng tuwirin kapat naidarang na sa init. Kung bubuksan lamang nating ang ating mga puso at pang-unawa hindi malayong mababago natin sa ating mga sarili ang mga mali at talikuran ang mga ito ng panghabang buhay. Tulad ng isang awit na mali ang mga panitik, maari nating isulat muli ang ating mga buhay upang higit na maging tama at kaayaya sa makaririnig nito. Ang pagbabago tungo sa kabutihan at kagalingan para sa sarili at sa karamihan ay bukas para sa lahat. O ayan, naibahagi ko naman ang isang magandang kwento. Hayaan n'yo at pipilitin kong alalahanin ang lahat upang mai-share ko at kapulutan ng aral. Oo nga pala kaya pala ako napabalikwas ng gising kanina ay kaarawan ngayon ni tatay, Tay! Happy Bithday itong blog na ito ang gift ko sa iyo saan ka man naroroon. O giliw koho . . . miss na miss kita hahaha . . . BEBANG!

ANGER VS. UNDERSTANDING

Last Thursday, July 17, I received a message. It was actually a reply to my e-mail and the sender was enraged against me. I was dumbfounded when I read the message and the first thing I did is go over my sent messages to see if I have written something that burst someone's bubble. I did not see anything, the fact that our conversation was not of quarrelsome issue but was rather a seek- help- support tête-à-tête regarding an approaching project. I just thought I was slapdash with my writing and I realized people are different in comprehension and it is a natural feedback for someone to react on something he feels to be wrong. But with all honesty my reply meant not to cause offense to anybody nor do I have any intention to insult or explode somebody's feeling. I always make it a point to keep rather unspoken or not write something to anyone because I am scared that I may utter something I will regret afterward. I believe in the old Chinese proverb that never write a letter when you are angry.

Jesus Christ also got angry when He squeezed out His outburst in the temple. But His anger was more of a "righteous indignation". Although everybody knows that anger is a sin it is an innate behavior of human being to get indignant. We rage at different intensities and anybody can become mad. It's no hard, but to be angry without basis and justifications, that is not within everybody's control. That is not easy. When anger escalates reflect on its aftereffects. It's like grabbing a hot coal with the intent of tossing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned or booting a stone harming your own foot. When I was still in my corporate life, when my daily routine involves the everyday toil of pressures , anxieties and squabbles with workmates and bosses I used to be angry almost everyday. I have learned through bitter experience that sometimes anger should be delayed in almost every possible way and situation to uphold relationship and friendship and let understanding sets in to takes its own course. I thought I was certain I understand what I thought somebody said, but I realized that what I heard is not what essentially what they meant. Sometimes I feel I am so intelligent but every so often I get the wrong end of the stick on what people are saying. I just thought I have the knowledge a lot about something and not really understand it. How many friends have I lost because of anger? How many times I made myself smaller than the things that made me angry? Of course we need sometimes to be angry especially so not to allow evil to be victorious or inequality and brutality to thrive. These things happen because many believe the world is not angry enough. But more than anger love and understanding can take its place to vanquish them and leads everything that hurt us to a better awareness of ourselves. Anyone can find faults, disparage, and attack anybody when he is angry but it takes understanding to take somebody's self control. We do not need power to let go of something. Or entombs anger to our inside and stock pile tensions for later implosion or explosion to offend ourselves or the others. What we really need is to understand. Anger destroys thing. It's an external manifestation of pain, trepidation and disappointment and the termination of struggle for the truth. When someone is angry he talks articulately as if he makes the best oration of his life. Anger makes someone clever but it keeps him poor- poorer in happiness because for every minute we are angry we lose 60 seconds of it. It is the air which puffs out the lamp of the mind, how can you think unmistakably when your knuckles are clamped and your teeth are crushing? Things will indeed seem different to us if we can only say "I am hurt" and opted to keep quiet and calm down and escape many days of sorrow rather getting angry so sudden. Understanding is the first step towards recuperation from anger. It appeases hurt and enraged feelings.

When Jesus blew up with rage that day in the temple. His indignation was up front. He reacted to the situation swiftly, optimistically, and fittingly then went on his business. His anger is right and justifiable. It's not easy to be indignant with the right person, and to the right extent, and at the right time, and for the right intention, and in the right way just as Jesus did.

My bitter experience of anger, tantrums and poor temperament being a moody artist then urged me to explore the beautiful gift of understanding. I still get angry but I have learned to control it; and I still try to yearn not to feel it. Now I do not easily get angry when a person gets mad at me, I always thought I cannot please everybody nor can I make a day in the sun for all. Instead, I never forget what somebody says to me when he is angry. Somehow I will be able to learn from it to become a better person. It made me believe that he who is slow to anger has great understanding. Anger and narrow mindedness are the enemies of it. A person who holds on to hasty mood leaves him less than he had been before while the calmness of the person on whom he wish to expel his ill temper conquers him... Sometimes you become great when a person misunderstood you. The most splendid pleasure is the joy of understanding . . .

LIFE IS A RACE . . .

As life goes harder and harder for most of us, everyone seemed to race in chase for the good life. Some race for the elusive money, material possessions, some for blind pursuit of career success and others for personal fulfillment. Whatever it is money always stood alone as an issue. The way in which we quantify the echelon of our contentment or the norm of living we want to savor indicates the race we want to run. We race in pursuit of a good life, for our self and our dear ones. There were instances envy, conceit, and material lust compelled us to race or people tend to compare their lives with their neighbors. They leave their home and bear the agony of solitude counting the days and the nights away from what they called their comfort zone - home. Some wins and most not. The repercussion of running the race and failing take a heavy price. When we choose to race the breakage lines soon to come into sight on the path we take and collapsing is not far behind. It's like doing a balance sheet it has two sides and the other side of it is relationship. We may opt not to take the race, and not love this world of materialism and just walk with perseverance, hope and faith because all too frequently and regrettably, in pursuit of a good life most leave a footpath of a wrecked relationship. Uncurl perverted priorities. Guidance, concern and relationship every so often take second place to the material and financial emphasis of so many of us. People with broken relationship chatter with little indignity about their flops in home but in quick-witted contrast are quite self-justifying if they fail in their careers or business undertakings or blow their own trumpet about their material and financial attainment. Success and wealth are sometimes acquired at the expense of closeness with our family.

NO AMOUNT OF SUCCESS . .
Many believes by working away from home they can furnish more things or lavish their children with gifts to bring happiness to their homes but in real sense it doesn't satisfy and compensate for the real gift of personal association and the empty longing in the abyss of our soul, the longing for home and family - a true place where love grows well, verdant and fragrant. I have seen and watched some people cry their eyes out as they recounted to me their tales of being away from home. Some with personal life blown apart others with families in muddle . . . none of their financial accomplishments are of the slightest help. Others rose from rugs to riches then back to rugs again . . . They were the race's losers. I also respect the fact that the same thing can happen to me as to anyone. I thanked their stories somehow made me think what contentment is all about. Several times I was tempted to take this sort of race, but every time I dare I think of my family, then my will power seemed all to fade. This world is full of hazards how many young lives have gone extremely far wrong without the fatherly guidance at home. I cannot afford to lose even a single second without them. As said, no amount of success can compensates for failure in home. I am by no means neither perfect nor faultless father, in fact I always feel culpable to my family that I can only give as much and only just can offer the life we have now. But I always thought that my daughters and my wife want me to be the chief executive of the house so it can run efficiently and embrace up the family in the most paternal ways. I realized I am the most important man in their life and my children would be able to put up their lives according to what they see in me. Can I show these aspects of a good father even if I am not with them? Perhaps yes but not absolutely. I know a father's physical presence is invaluable to them as it is with other children. It is also priceless to my wife as it is too with other spouses. Problems and trials come in, but the happiness of being together fortifies my spirit and belief with God that I can deal with it. Love makes a family and a family in harmony will prosper in everything. Life is a race . . . we want the best for our family but sometimes the best turns out to be the worst. We make our own choice; the burden to make the wrong choice is tempting and powerful and should not be underrated. We can just walk . . . slowly and patiently through God's help, we shall reach our desired destination safe and successfully or we can choose to sprint but we cannot choose the aftermath. The reason and the consequence kind of our choice labels us.


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

Hebrew 12:1

GENTLEMANLY DEFEATED

By nature , and nearly in all instances in the show ground of sports or any other field of battle for prowess, the winning challenger exults and rejoice before the multitude as he keeps an eye on his fallen adversary . More than what Manny Pacquiao demonstrated to the millions of watching around the world to see his notably proclaimed challenge to David Diaz was not only his boxing preeminence as the no. 1 pound for pound fighter of today but his kindness and compassion that is embedded and natural spirit of a true Filipino. As Pacquiao unveiled his warrior instinct that sent Diaz in stupor face down to the canvas, instead of vaulting or summer saulting for celebration, Manny showed the compassionate and helpful edge of a true sportsman when he moved toward and made an effort to help David Diaz get up. Concern was on his face for the fallen Diaz he trounced into flesh. As a matter of regulation , Referee Vic Drakulich warded off Manny's showing of his spontaneous worry over his fallen rival while the crowd reacted riotously, screeching and applauding as it seems they saw Diaz end came. According to reports, Pacquiao even asked the referee to halt the fight much earlier when he sensed there was no way Diaz could endure the later rounds. Diaz's was bleeding profusely with deep cuts on his right eye and a nick on the bridge of the nose, and Pacquiao kept pounding them at will, most likely in anticipation that Diaz would quit, but did not until the 9th round when he was whacked in the mandible by a ferocious left hook, and plummeted kissing the canvas. David Diaz had the perplexed encounter of fighting the fastest man he had ever seen in the ring but experienced being defeated in the most gamely and gentlemanly manner. Dangerous David Diaz tamely capitulated himself to Manny Pacquiao and gave all his respect for his subjugator's humility, sportsmanship and humanity.