Sunday, April 6, 2008


One time I had a brief but worthy of note conversation with Emy, one of my friendsters and schoolmates from MHS. The talk was casual and relaxed until we turned up to love life discussion. The happy tête-à-tête suddenly altered its mood and tone, for a moment I felt apologetic for asking the trigger question? How is your husband? It all fired up here and off-the-cuff, uninterruptedly she spoke about without any qualms as if we were best of friends her love and marriage life torments and trials . She talked more than I as if she really wanted to squeeze out everything hurting her inside , not minding giving me a chance to respond. I understand . She said..." I really need someone to talk to".... I replied : "go on... I am listening".. .

In a relationship women are usually the "little guys" and end up the losers. Men's infidelity and irresponsibilty are the primary culprit in a relationship split up. I am not saying that men are responsible and are to to be condemned for all the relationship break ups nor am I am saying that women are perfect and impeccable . Men and women are human beings with chinks in their armors and capable of making mistakes. And because the world is imperfect too, we cannot survive without it. Men easily get lured and tempted with these imperfections than women. Women experienced rage when their sense of rights are disregarded. They will feel aggrieved and offended at the persons who have violated their trusts. These wrongful doings create sticking points between couples and their relationships are ruptured. Women cant go on living even if desired to live as if the sins are not perpetrated .They call for justice. When husbands treat their wives unjustly, the pain and anger pull a longing for fairness and a desire for compassion. Justice does not typically fix up relationship although for a moment it may bring satisfaction. Temporary relief from pain and miseries that infidelity, incompatibilities, dominance, physical and mental abuse, and disrespect brought into their hearts. And what justness do they expect? . . . It's a simple " I am Sorry". They say the more intimate the relationship, the more the longing for reconciliation is. The reason most marriages are bitter and aloof is because we have failed to ask for forgiveness. Men's sincere apology makes a genuine reconciliation possible. It can even change the sad outcome of a bitter separation. Without apologies resentment builds up and pushes on to claim justice or take matters onto their wives' hands and seek retribution. Wrath intensifies and end up in violence or self destruction. Apology enables forgiveness and reconciliation. Wife can forgive her husband without apology but it darkens the chance of reconciliation. The problem is most erring husbands do not bother to make apologies for their misconducts and seek behavioral corrections for their offended wives. Apology and forgiving is a two party deal towards settlement and reconciliation.

My stand is unyielding that men cheat more than women. They are innately polygamous. But God gave them the power choice and self control. I believe that we all have the sense of morality and conscience that God has imprinted in the hearts of every human being. Apology can appease a guilty conscience. The only way to relieve effectively our fell and disgraced conscience is to apologize to God and to the ones we offended. But if apology is no where to be found to attain reconciliation we can do nothing less than to forgive. Forgive even apologies do not have to be at stake. Remember, the person who gets the benefit of forgiving is always the person who does the forgiving. Why do we have to put our future and happiness in the hands of those who hurt us? When you forgive you have to forget to be healed of the rotten memories and the pain we never should have felt in the first place.When you forgive you set a PRISONER free and then you discover that the prisoner you set free is YOU!

They say marriages are in from heaven and unholy to break it, while others say that it's easy to walk out of a marriage than actually dealing with it and working it out. But a simple "I am sorry" and "I forgive you" can lead a way towards restoring marriages and goodwill. These are "magic words" that have made reconciliation always possible. When these words are uttered, we can look God in the face, look ourselves in the mirror, or look the other person in their eyes . . . straightly without a blink; not because we are faultless but because we have been willing to take accountability for our limitations and failures.

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

(Colossians 3:19)


Nathan Tabile said...

How come if the one doing the adultery is the woman, Philippine culture can't tolerate it? I really felt bad about the biases of our society. Kung puedeng batuhin ay talagang babatuhin. I know someoune of a person that he beats his wife almost to death because of that situation. Wala talagang laban ang mga babae kahit sila ang nagkamali ay meron parin spousal violence. I know it's hard for a husband to be cheated, pero sana naman huwag humantong sa ganung paraan.
I just want to conclude that it is possible for a wife to cheat the husband, and adultery is the same for a different side of the coin. Yun lang ang lalaki kapag nagalit, dadaanin sa dahas kapag siya ang na torotot.
Iba kasi ang dating eh kapag lalaki ang naloloko sa Filipino culture.

Jessie said...

It is true that there are instances that wives cheat their husbands, they are not flawless. But I am firm with my stand that women take hold of themselves much better than us. Tama yung sabi mo Bro Nathan, Our society have predisposed judgment when it comes to infidelity because most of us have wrong conceptions on the real essence of our machismo and how we unjustly compare women with us. Women are human beings like us. We all make mistakes.The problem with men is that we always make use of our authoritarian and forceful behavior. Until now most of us see women as the lesser beings... Its not true.

Primo Jandayan said...

ARE MARRIAGES MADE IN HEAVEN? my answer is YES!!!! Y? GANITO yun... Remember GOD create Adam, when he felt loneliness GOD create eve, thats the first marrage. When satan enter to their life, And Because of wrong move GOD made rocky road to go back in heaven. magulo ba? Ganito yun, Hindi naman nagsimula kay eva at adan ang kasalan! kay satan nagsimula because of envy. Kaya hanggang ngayun nagsusupper tayo. Naalala ko noon na single pako, I can depend GOD with all my energy, kahit pagod na sa work basta study ng BIBLE at matatapos ng 3am.ok lang And the following day may work pa. Masaya ako nun! Minsan naman may naka usap ako na ibang church and i share my conviction, hindi maiwasan nakipagtalo ako regarding my belief. Kasi nga sabi ko sa kanya tinitingnan kita sa mata for more than a year i never do any kind of inpurities kahit yung weakness ng mga kalalakihan pag nagiisa. Hindi sya makapaniwala kasi sa kanila legal yun.Nang ako ay ma enlove lagi kong kinukulit si GOD na... GOD gift nyo na lang sa birthday ko si Nitzky, kc mahal na mahal ko na sya, kasi hindi na me makatulog, kasi sobra ang saya ko pag kasana sya. Dahil mahal ako ni GOD, GOD grant my wish. Pero nang kami ay ikasal marami ang nagbago kahit sa mga desisyon ko. sobra ang haba ng udjustment period ko hanggang ngayon. Kasi nga hindi kami isa dalawa na kami. Mahirap kasi yun na dalawa na kayo sa mga desisyon making. Dun nagsimula ang rocky road namin. Thru the seminars and christian advice a learned from my minister na, ang pinakasalan mo ay sinners, at ikaw rin na nagpakasal ay sinner din, ano ngayun ang resulta? Eh di devil. Pero by the grace of GOD hanggang ngayun my marrid life okey naman. Bilang may asawa dapat alam mo kung ano ang weakness ng asawa mo. Bakit ka natorotot? kasi hindi mo binibigay ang needs ng asawa mo. Kasi ang alam mo work , work, work! Hindi u na dinidate si mrs. Wala kang allowance na binibigay kay mrs para pampaganda. Pag birthday nya wala ka ring time. Kasi ang alam mo macho ka. Pare ang macho dapat mapagbigay ka sa asawa mo, dapat pangalawa sya sa buhay mo, dapat malaki ang tenga mo sa paulit ulit na balita o tsimis na nasasagap nya. Korrection hindi naman sya tsimosa kung sa iyo lang nya sinasabi na may kalaguyo yung kapit bahay nyo.E bakit ka naman kinaliwa ng asawa mo? siguro hindi mo muna pinakakain ng especial mong luto si mister, dinadakdakan mo agad, hoy mister gabi na bakit ngayun ka lang umuwi!, hoy wala na tayong bigas, hoy kulang na yung pera pambadyet! wala ba kayung lambingan? parang hindi kayo nanonood ng mga love story nung araw. Wala ba kayung tawagang honey, my love, pangga, sweetheart , babes. naalala ko pag galit ang honey ko tinatawag nya akong primo wala nakong pera, gumawa ka ng paraan. Primo yung anak mong lalaki disiplinahin mo nga. Pero pag hindi kami nagaaway inshort in mood, honey nood naman tayo ng sine yun kay aga mulach. mulat sapul ayoko ng love story gusto ko action! mga rudy fernandez, arnold zwzinger ba YUN! basta action. Pero minsan nanood kami ng love story at nakatulog ako sa sinehan. inaway nya ako hindi raw ako marunong maapriciate ng love story,Becuz of gud advice marunong nako ngayun. Hindi nako nanonood magisa ng aksyon kahit antok na antok sa love story movie nagpapabili ng lang ako ng giant pop corn para hindi makatulog. Wala namang perfect marid. kasi hindi ka naman perfect! Ang gawin mo seek advice with the christian world, not with the world of devil. Kung gusto mo na maayos ang maridlife mo.